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Jokes
Funny jokes: Sometimes it helps to keep your mouth shut
A young woman arrived to her
doctor with black and blue signs
of beating.
Doctor: “What happened?”
Woman: “Doctor, I do not know
what to do, whenever my
husband comes home drunk he
beats the hell out of me, almost
killing me.”
Doctor: “I have a really good
medication for it. When your
husband comes home drunk you
just take a glass of Green tea and
start to gargle and gargle, as
much as you can do … and that’s
all you have to do.”
Two weeks later the woman
returns to the doctor reborn and
with a grateful look in her eyes …
Woman: “Doctor, that was a
brilliant medicine! Every time my
husband came home drunk, I
gargled and gargled with Green
tea and nothing happened! He
has gone straight to bed.”
Doctor: “You see how it helps to
keep your mouth shut?”
Wife & Husband joke
WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?”
HUSBAND:”Definitely not!
WIFE: “Why not? Don’t you like being married?”
HUSBAND: “Of course I do.”
WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?”
HUSBAND: “Okay, okay, I’d get married again.”
WIFE: “You would?” (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: “Would you live in our house?”
HUSBAND: “Sure, it’s a great house.”
WIFE: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?”
HUSBAND: “Where else would we sleep?”
WIFE: “Would you let her drive my car?”
HUSBAND: “Probably, it is almost new.”
WIFE: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?”
HUSBAND: “That would seem like the proper thingto do.”
WIFE: “Would you give hermy jewellery?”
HUSBAND: “No, I’m sure she’d want her own.”
WIFE: “Would she wear my shoes?”
HUSBAND: “No, she’s size 5.”
WIFE: — silence –
HUSBAND: “Shit.”
An Arab at the airport
An Arab at the airport:
- Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no… I mean male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn’t that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
No, no! Deer run too fast !
Animal Jokes – Wildlife Jokes
How did the moose keep his antlers from being stolen?
He locked horns with another moose.
Why wouldn’t the leopard take a bath?
He didn’t want to get spotlessly clean.
What do skunks do when they get angry?
They raise a stink.
Animal Jokes – Dog Jokes
Where do you find toy poodles?
In a toy store…where else?
What do you call a happy Lassie?
A jolly collie!
How do you catch a runaway dog?
Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!
What is the all time favorite Broadway musical in Dogland?
My Fair Laddie!
What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A shampoodle!
