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Blonde Jokes #1

Blonde cops:

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can’t find it.

She says to the cop:”I must have left it at home officer.”

The cop says:”Well, do you have any kind of identification?”

The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop:”All I have is this picture of myself.”

The cop says:”Let me see it, then.”

So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies:”Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have even pulled you over. You can go now.”

The circle:

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she’s smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she’s laughing. He’s really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she’s laughing so hard, she’s about to fall down.

He demands:”What’s so funny?”

She says:”Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle!”

Game Of Intelligence

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked:”What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. Then the blonde asked:”What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted:”What is the answer to your question?”
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

Dead Bird

One day a blonde and a brunette were walking down to the grocery store when the brunette pointed out to the blonde “oh, hey look at that dead bird..”

The blonde looks around around up in the sky for a few minutes and says “hmm, I don’t see any dead ones.”

New Cell Phone

A blond gets a new cell phone from her husband.

The next day she goes to Wal-mart and her phone rings, so she answers it.

It was her husband. He says, “How’s the new cell phone?”

She replied, “Great…but how did you know I was at Wal-mart?”

Blonde Hurts

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, “Doctor I’m hurting all over my body.”

“That’s odd”, replied the doctor, “Show me what you mean”

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says, “You’re not a natural brunette are you?”

“No I’m a blonde”, she replies.

“I thought so…. your finger is broken.”, replies the doctor.

Ice Cubes

Why cant blondes make ice cubes?

Because they don’t have the recipe!

Walking The Dogs

A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says “oh my, you have such beautiful dogs.. what are their names?”

The blonde replies: “Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex.”

The man responds “Huh.. that’s interesting.. why did you name them such names?”

The blonde sighs and shakes her head “Everyone keeps asking me the same thing… duhh, what else can you name your watch dogs??”

Bad Book

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said:”I have a complaint!”

“Yes, Ma’am?” said the librarian looking up at her.

“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked: “What was wrong with it?”

“It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!” said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book.”

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