Editor's picks

Blonde Jokes #2

Cheating
A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she’s overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.

Her boyfriend screams, “Honey, don’t do it…”

The blonde yells back, “Shut up! You’re next!”

Tricycle
Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?

A::It is the one with the kickstand.

How To Make A Blonde Laugh?
How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?

Tell her a joke on Monday!

Blonde At The Doctor’s office

One day a Blonde walked into the doctors office with 2 red ears.
The doctor asked what happened.
She said “I was ironing and the
phone rang and I picked up the iron by mistake. “What happened
to the other ear?” the doctor asked.
“They called back.”

Blondes Pain
A young woman said to her doctor, “You have to help me, I hurt all over.”

“What do you mean?” said the doctor.

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.
” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.”
Then she touched her right earlobe. “Ow, even THAT hurts.”

The doctor asked the woman, “Are you a natural blonde?”

“Why yes,” she said.

“I thought so,” said the doctor… “You have a sprained finger.”

Fix The Dents
A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car’s tailpipe.Nothing happened.
She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, “What are you doing?”
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out.
Her roommate rolled her eyes and said,
“HELLLLOOOO!!!You need to roll up the windows.”

Speeding

A Police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff: “I wish you guys could get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and now today you expect me to show it to you.”;

Blonde Painting The House
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said….
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

Horrific Accident
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped.
“Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”

“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.

“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”

“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”

Did You Hear About
Couldn’t learn to water ski because she couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said “2 to 4 years”.

Couldn’t call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered “C”.

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

 

You’ve Got Blonde
A man was in his front yard moving grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her:“Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

Blonde And Sheepherd
Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes.

One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.

She also went out and bought a new convertible.

She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.

She stopped and called the sheepherder over.

“That’s a nice flock of sheep.”, she said.

“Well thank you.”, said the herder.
“Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.”, said the woman.

“Okay.”, replied the herder.

“If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?”, asked the woman.
“Sure.”, said the sheepherder.

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, “382”.

“Wow.”, said the herder. “That is exactly right.

Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home.”

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.

Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, “Okay, now I have a proposition for you”.

“What is it?”, queried the woman.

“If I can guess the real color of your hair… can I have my dog back?”

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